The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
