and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize