So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
