and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
