Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
