I wanna bring you to show and tell
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
