you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
