There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
