i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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