Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
