His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
