Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
