Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
