can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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