We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
