i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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