Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
