you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
