I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
