people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
