i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
