I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
