I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
