ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
worst night to have a conscience
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
