Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My vagina is officially offended.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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