is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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