This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
