my vag is so smooth its legendary
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
