I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
