I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
