I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
