Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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