My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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