you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
