Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
