My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
