I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
