I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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