i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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