Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
