I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
