I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
