If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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