come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I will pee on everything he values.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
