Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
