You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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