a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
