Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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