i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
