Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
