You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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