I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize