i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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