im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
