oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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