This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
