just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
