So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's