I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"