Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
