She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
