I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
