They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
