Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
