if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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