im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
