I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
